I was blindsided by my narcissist. Until that relationship, I had zero knowledge about NPD or any other personality disorder. I knew about psychopaths, but I only had a superficial understanding that was gleaned from movies so I was completely in the dark about gaslighting and love bombing; I could have used an NPD go-to guide myself!
When I realized that something wasn’t ‘kosher’ in the my partner’s behavior (it took about six months if you don’t count a big red flag that I saw about two weeks in), I turned to the internet. After watching hours upon hours of videos about personality disorders and reading dozens of articles and books, I am finally at a place where I feel confident that the red flags won’t get by me again and I was finally able to let go of that dream that the narcissist can be ‘healed’ or rehabilitated. More than that, I’ve been able to let go of the fantasy that he actually had genuine feelings for me (buried somewhere under all his crap). This understanding has been the greatest factor in breaking the trauma bond that had me tied to him and why I’ve drafted this NPD go-to guide so you can take back your power.
You’ll find a lot of information online about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (among others) and much of it is superficial. Their feeling of entitlement and grandiosity is only the tip of the brainf*ck nightmare of these disordered individuals, and in the case of the covert narcissist, the grandiosity is often hidden under false modesty. The characteristics that do the real damage are the lies, infidelity, lack of empathy, gaslighting and devaluing. In my case, I never caught him in a lie and he wasn’t unfaithful but his lack of empathy, disregard, and erratic devaluing of me and the relationship were crushing.
I could write novels about that relationship and all I learned from it, but this NPD go-to guide is about getting you to a deeper level of understanding so that you can finally get free of a toxic relationship. With that goal in mind, below are my favorite YouTube channels for the gritty truth about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and why we become emotionally attached to toxic partners.
Richard Grannon, Spartan Life Coach: Richard is from the UK and has a BSc in Psychology. He initially provided support to men in dysfunctional relationships (speaking from his own experience), but his videos on NPD help everyone. He is also one of the few to discuss the connection between NPD and CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) that is caused by trauma in childhood.
Narcissist Red Flags: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YUkv86n1Hc
Signs of Covert Narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WVLZXLyO-M
Can a Narcissist be Healed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnybyozFE6E
Addicted to the Narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ridY_wnrvA
Breaking the Trauma Bond: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHUKniHa1pg&t=1449s
The Little Shaman: The Little Shaman is a self-described “spiritual coach and narcissism specialist”. Regardless of her lack of formal education on the topic, I find her short videos to be mind-blowingly accurate descriptions of NPD.
Narcissists and Hope: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seEzssJAhwA
Stop Explaining to the Narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0sxnUSTJa8
Stop Projecting Your Feelings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBXJftarHjs
Narcissists and Empaths: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsS7WJYh6Qc
You Are the Mirror: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbWdd1Wlep8
Lisa A. Romano, Breakthrough Life Coach: Lisa is a certified life coach and author who writes from her own experience with a narcissistic parent and partner. She discusses narcissism, co-dependency, and offers free guided meditations. Her down-to-earth approach provides clarity to a confusing topic.
#1 Thing to AVOID When Talking to a NARCISSIST:
How To Stop Seeking Validation From Outside of Self:
5 Key Phrases to Disarm a Narcissist:
Number One Narcissist Repellent Tool:
50 Narcissistic Traits to Watch Out For:
Narcissists Grooming Victim Tools:
Assc. Direct: Quinn of Assc. Direct claims to “specialize in Narcissistic Personality Disorder Life Coaching.” This is one of the newer channels that I’ve been watching and I’m appreciating his deep insights on NPD. His ‘simulation” video is eye-opening.
The Simulation, Value and Love from the Narcissist:
Why Narcissists Give Silent Treatment:
What Happens When You Discard the Narcissist:
The Trauma Bonds Created by the Narcissist:
Dr Ramani: Dr. Ramani is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles. She often speaks of some of the less known characteristics of narcissism that provided me with many ‘aha’ moments. Her ’30 Days of Narcissism” series is a must-watch.
Why do narcissists overreact to tone of voice?:
This cognitive trap keeps people stuck:
Narcissistic vs. Healthy Relationships:
Narc ology unscripted: Dave is a self-described empath and not a licensed therapist. I find his demeanor a bit odd but there is no denying that he shares valuable insights.
What Happens when the Perfect Supply Suddenly Dumps the Narcissist:
They Have to Fool You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1GsiVfxvOo
A Message From The Narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALkxOmKnblk
What The Narcissist Really Means Hoovering You:
3 Reasons Why You Miss The Narcissist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLAaAMoo_LQ
Why The NARCISSIST Rejects Intimacy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=of0HKZrRdoY
I hope this NPD go-to guide of videos helps you on your path of understanding the narcissist and why a relationship with him/her is impossible if you want to remain sane and personally nourished. There are many other channels that I’ve found helpful (Inner Integration, Sam Vaknin, Surviving Narcissism, and others) but I don’t want this to become a novel.