A Jewish Matchmaker’s Response to The Rules

With the publication of The Rules, a relationship book for women, there has been a rise in the perspective that playing hard to get at the beginning of a relationship will keep a man wanting more. Other books will tell you to be upfront about your feelings. There is so much contradictory information for singles, how do you keep it all straight? Well, the truth of the matter lies somewhere in between.

There is a cat and mouse game that takes place at the beginning of a relationship, and there is nothing wrong with that. A bit of uncertainty about how the other person feels excites and interests us. It adds mystery to the dynamic and heightens the attraction. But it takes an ugly turn when it becomes a deliberate attempt to manipulate or tease someone into chasing you by playing hard to get. This is a turn-off and is detrimental to the budding of attraction. No one likes being played.

The best advice is common sense, just be you! Let the natural law of attraction work its magic. Don’t come on too strong at the beginning of a relationship and don’t be overly distant. If you had a great time on your first date, it’s okay to let the guy know. Send a message saying, “thanks for a great time” and keep it simple. You don’t have to push for date number two or go into detail about what you like about him. Neither do you have to ignore him. If he is truly interested, he will feel great about your feedback and he’ll make the next move. If a man likes you, he will pursue you. This is a fact. And if he doesn’t, then he is either not interested or he has intimacy issues, and in the long term, you are not looking for either of those qualities in your man.