August 31, 2021
Just Say YES!!!
As a Jewish matchmaker, my number one goal is to connect Jewish singles and help create Jewish families. No matter if the family is secular, religious, or somewhere in between, I get 100% satisfaction through my role in helping make that happen.
That being said, one of the most challenging aspects of my work is, surprisingly enough, getting singles to actually meet! Sounds crazy, right? If someone takes the bold step of hiring a matchmaker, shouldn’t he/she be revved up to wine and dine with as many Jewish singles as possible in order to find the best fit?
Reality tells a different story. The day to day, match to match reality is that everyone wants to see their prince/princess charming on paper and in the photographs, without investing much of their time in the the vetting process. As the matchmaker for hire, I am the first to begin the vetting process. I analyze potential matches for compatibility and eliminate those who are clearly not a fit. But the vetting doesn’t end with me - I do my best to understand what a client is looking for and I’m known for my intuitive matching - but love is subjective and what ultimately makes a couple “click” is not always what looks like a good fit on paper.
This is a main reason why I encourage my clients to say “yes” to every match. “Yes” doesn’t mean “I like you”, “I want to date you”, “I’m attracted to you”, or “You’re my type”. “Yes” means - “I’m open to having a conversation with you to see if there is any potential here.” Successful couplings are more likely to happen when you take the extra step and speak to a match - or even better - meet in person. So much of “chemistry” is elusive: the quickness to smile, the spark of curiosity in the eyes, the way a person moves across the room, pheromones, a gentlemanly demeanor, a clever wit or effervescent laugh, kindness in the tone of voice. You can’t experience these things in a dating profile or a photograph. You’ll only discover them by speaking with and/or meeting someone face to face. Yet these are the subtle qualities that spark attraction and desire, which leads to wanting to know more about the person and discovering commonalities that ignite a feeling of connection, belonging, being understood, and ultimately, the desire to be with this one person as much and as long as possible.
So why are singles so quick to push back and respond with a “no” when presented with a potential match?
Personally, I think people have become jaded - they’ve lost faith in the dating process and although many would never admit it - they have lost the belief that they will ever actually find their happily ever after. Years of failed relationships, short-lived romances, first date disappointment, scammers, and too much swiping left and right. It’s taken all the romance out of romance. What remains are amazing Jewish singles who would rather spend the evening alone rather than face one more disappointing meetup.
As the onlooker, I empathize with the frustration but I also see all the possibilities. The possibilities that are being missed every day because the fear of another letdown is stronger than the hope of meeting someone wonderful. I implore all the singles reading this to regroup - tap into that well of optimism that is still inside you - buried by years of frustration and heartache. Optimistic and enthusiastic people attract other optimistic and enthusiastic people. Adventurous spirits are drawn to adventure and loving, open hearts see the possibility of love everywhere.
Make the effort. Put yourself out there. Look at past relationships as stepping stones along the path that is leading to that partner you long for. Stop trying to approach love with logic and lists. Love is not logical. Love is not a list of likes and dislikes. Love will not be drawn to such emotionless evaluation.
Embrace the mystery. Embrace the journey. Embrace the ups and downs. Embrace the not-knowing. Start this Jewish New Year with a heart tuned to all the possibilities that await you. They are numerous my friends, as numerous as the stars in the sky - just like Am Yisrael.
May this be the year of your happily ever after and let it start by saying YES!!!