One of the greatest sources of frustration is how much we sacrifice for him, and how it can go completely unnoticed/unappreciated. How could he simply run off with someone else after everything we did to satisfy him? Many of us threw away our lives, friends, and ambitions to keep him from abandoning us. We went out of our comfort zone in order to please him. We ignored our boundaries, values, and morals to make things work. We never spoke up when he treated us like trash, in order to prevent drama. We gave up everything and it still wasn’t sufficient for him.

Reread the bold:
how much we sacrificed for him
everything we did to please him
threw away our lives, friends, and aspirations
went out of our comfort zone
ignored our boundaries, values, and morals
never spoke up
gave up everything

Why are we eager to do those things for anybody? In a healthy, loving relationship, we should never feel like this. We should never corrode our own identity to make room for someone else’s. Yes, it’s heartbreaking that we gave up so much and he still didn’t want us, but how did we get to that point in the first place? Why did we put someone else before our own happiness? Love is all about making sacrifices, but they are mutual sacrifices, not the total destruction of just one partner.

Healthy sacrifices: “Well, I don’t like cats, but he does so maybe we could get one” or “He likes to sleep in the cold, so I guess I could just get another blanket.”

Unhealthy sacrifices: “When he cheats on me again, I’ll just forgive him to save the relationship” or “Well I guess he really just wants to have a sleepover with his ex, and if I’m not okay with that then I’m a jealous person.”

Understand the difference and never again deconstruct your personality to make room for someone else.

Sara Malamud