For the next several months, I’m going to focus on feminine and masculine energy and how they affect our romantic relationships. In this article I give a brief overview on feminine and masculine energy and what it looks like in a relationship.)

A male friend of mine made an observation recently that on the surface didn’t seem to have anything to do with feminine and masculine energy or the polarity of the sexes, but the self-exploration I undertook based on his comment let me to a strong realization – that I move through this world primarily in my masculine energy. How is that possible given that I am a woman? Aren’t I feminine by default? Well… no!

All living things have both masculine and feminine energy. Think of the soft, fragile petals and the hard, thorny stem of a rose – masculine and feminine. Think of a tree with its sturdy trunk and unyielding branches laden with succulent, juicy fruit – masculine and feminine. Both energies are within us and optimally we want a balance, but when it comes to romantic partnerships, there must be a difference in polarity in order to have a strong sexual attraction.

Gents, have you ever met a beautiful woman with whom you felt an instant attraction but once you starting talking that attraction diminished?

Ladies, has a man ever caught your interest but after spending time with him he ended up in the ‘friend zone’?

It’s quite likely that the beautiful woman was leading with masculine energy and the friend-zoned man with his feminine. Don’t misunderstand – there is nothing wrong with a woman in her masculine energy or a man in his feminine energy. Both energies have their place, yet when it comes to coupling, polarity (or lack of it), will make a difference in your level of satisfaction and sexual desire for your partner.

The confident, independent, take-charge part of me that sets goals (and meets them!), problem-solves, thinks logically, is super organized, and multi-tasks with the best of them is great for my business (and can be helpful when raising kids), but it’s a hindrance in my romantic relationship. I only recently came to understand that those are characteristics of someone in his/her masculine energy. If you’re a strong, independent, “I can take care of myself”, career-oriented woman you are in your masculine energy and I suspect that many of my female readers can relate to that description.

Masculine energy is giving. It is purpose, drive, leadership, making things happen, goals, a ‘mission’, success, overcoming challenges, breaking thru barriers, logic, structure, building, competition; it’s an ‘active’ force. When dating, this energy takes initiative – it plans dates, pays for dates, is decisive about where you will go, and is punctual. In a relationship, this energy is stability, commitment, leading, protecting, serving, and providing.

Ladies, if you are doing any of the above in your dating and relationship life, you are leading with masculine energy and you will attract indecisive, non-committal, and wishy-washy men. The more you take it upon yourself to ‘push’ the relationship forward, reach out, initiate contact, suggest meet-ups and plan them, the less you are in your feminine energy and the less likely you are to attract a masculine partner. As a matter of fact, you will repel the type of man who would naturally take the initiative to be the leader and provider. If you are hoping for a take-charge man with whom you can just relax and trust that everything will be taken care of, you need to move into feminine energy.

Feminine energy is receiving. It’s creativity, bonding, connecting, intuition, allowing the other person to give and lead, unity, healing, emotions and feelings, accepting, surrendering, yielding, fluidity, empathetic, passive (but not weak), playful, lighthearted, collaborative, non-competitive and non-judgement. The sex organs are the perfect example of the polarity of these energies – the male organ is penetrating, hard, forceful; the female organ is soft, open, receiving.

It is important that you are aware of which energy you are moving in so that you don’t shift into the opposite energy unconsciously. When a man is in his masculine energy, it helps the woman move into her feminine and vice versa, but a woman can quickly shift into masculine energy mode if her man is not leading and taking charge, and a man can shift into feminine if his partner is too aggressive and controlling. If a man is in his feminine, the woman will no longer feel safe and relaxed but will feel as though she must take charge of the situation and handle it herself. Likewise, a man will soon feel emasculated and useless if his partner is always stepping in to ‘over-rule’ him, criticize him, or insists on the final word.

So ladies, how can you move into your feminine? And how does this impact the issue of equality between the sexes? Those topics will be explored in next month’s post. Meanwhile, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on feminine and masculine energy. Much love to you!