September 01, 2024

Jewish Matchmaker Journal: RELATIONSHIPS: My Interview with ChatGPT

“AI” is the new buzzword and ChatGPT is one of today’s most popular chatbots. Using publicly available info, licensed data, and data created by human trainers, ChatGPT provides information to over 180 million current users - 100 million of them logging in weekly.

“ChatGPT is used for a variety of purposes, including customer service, education, entertainment, and personal assistance. It's also used by developers, with over two million developers using ChatGPT and Whisper models via API, including more than 92% of Fortune 500 companies.”

With access to so much information, I thought it would be fun to find out what ChatGPT has to say about the current challenges facing singles and why it seems difficult for many to find a lifelong partner. As a Jewish matchmaker, I enjoyed this “interview” and found myself agreeing with all the responses. I hope you enjoy the conversation and if you have a dating related question that you would like to ask ChatGPT, drop it in the comments....

Sara: "Why are so many singles struggling to meet a partner and establish long-term relationships these days?"

ChatGPT: That's a great question, and it’s one that a lot of people are asking themselves today. The challenges singles face in meeting a partner and maintaining long-term relationships are multifaceted, involving cultural shifts, technological changes, and personal dynamics.

Sara: "Could technology be a major factor contributing to this struggle?"

ChatGPT: Absolutely, technology plays a huge role. On one hand, dating apps and social media have made it easier than ever to connect with people. You can meet someone halfway across the world with just a swipe. But on the other hand, this abundance of choice can be overwhelming and even paralyzing. We live in a time where the paradox of choice is very real. When faced with too many options, people often find it difficult to commit because they’re always wondering if there’s someone better out there. This constant access to potential new partners can create a "grass is always greener" mentality, which can undermine the development of deeper, long-lasting connections.

Sara: "That makes a lot of sense. But are dating apps themselves problematic?"

ChatGPT: Dating apps are a double-edged sword. They offer convenience, but they also tend to promote superficiality. On these platforms, people are often judged primarily on their looks or a brief bio, rather than on deeper qualities. This can lead to a very transactional view of dating, where people are quickly swiping left or right based on snap judgments rather than getting to know someone more holistically. Moreover, many users report feeling burned out by the process. The ease of swiping can lead to a cycle of short-term flings or ghosting, where meaningful relationships are harder to come by. The very design of these apps can also encourage addictive behaviors, where the pursuit of the next match becomes more important than building a connection with the current one.

Sara: "How about cultural factors? Has our culture shifted in ways that make it harder to establish long-term relationships?"

ChatGPT: Definitely. We’re living in an era where individualism is highly valued. People are encouraged to prioritize their personal goals and independence, which can sometimes conflict with the compromises and shared goals required in a long-term relationship. The cultural narrative often glorifies self-sufficiency and personal success, which can make the idea of settling down seem less appealing. Furthermore, societal norms around relationships have evolved. In many places, the pressure to marry young or follow a traditional path has diminished, giving people more freedom but also more uncertainty. Without clear guidelines, singles may struggle with ambiguity around dating expectations, leading to confusion and miscommunication.

Sara: "It sounds like the stakes are higher in some ways. Do you think people are also more cautious or fearful of commitment?"

ChatGPT: Fear of commitment is a significant issue for many. With higher rates of divorce and more visible examples of failed relationships, some singles are understandably wary of entering into something that might not last. They might be afraid of making the wrong choice or getting hurt, which can lead to hesitancy in committing fully to a relationship. In addition, the rise of “situationships”—where the relationship is ambiguous or undefined—reflects a broader hesitation to label or commit to a relationship. People may prefer to keep things casual to avoid the potential heartache of a more serious commitment. However, this can also prevent the deepening of relationships necessary for long-term success.

Sara: "What about personal expectations? Are people’s standards too high?"

ChatGPT: It’s a delicate balance. On one hand, having standards is important. People should know what they want and deserve in a relationship. But on the other hand, unrealistic expectations can be a barrier to finding a partner. Media, including movies and social media, often depict idealized versions of relationships that aren’t grounded in reality. When people measure their potential partners against these ideals, they might overlook good matches because they don’t check every box. Moreover, there’s sometimes a focus on finding someone who meets a long list of criteria, rather than focusing on compatibility and shared values. A relationship requires work and compromise, and expecting perfection can lead to disappointment.

Sara: "How does the pace of modern life affect relationships?"

ChatGPT: The fast pace of modern life definitely impacts relationships. People are busier than ever, juggling careers, hobbies, social lives, and personal development. This can make it difficult to find the time and energy needed to nurture a relationship. When people are overextended, they might not prioritize dating or investing in a partner as much as they would like to. Additionally, the immediacy of modern life, where everything from food to entertainment is available on demand, can create unrealistic expectations for relationships. Real connection takes time and effort, but in a world where everything else is instant, patience can be in short supply.

Sara: "Finally, do you think there’s hope for singles struggling in today’s dating landscape?"

ChatGPT: Absolutely, there’s always hope. While there are certainly challenges, understanding these dynamics can empower singles to approach dating more mindfully. Being aware of the pitfalls of technology, managing expectations, and being open to vulnerability can all help. It’s also important to focus on building strong self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Understanding oneself better and what one truly needs in a partner, rather than just what one wants, can make a huge difference. And while it’s important to be selective, it’s also crucial to be open to imperfection and growth within a relationship. After all, a lasting partnership is about growing together, not just finding someone who fits a pre-existing mold.

ABOUT THE GRAPHIC: The accompanying graphic was also created with AI. I requested a graphic of a Jewish matchmaker interviewing ChatGPT via her laptop with framed photos of heterosexual Jewish couples on the wall. The result is what you see. Not exactly what I asked for, but close!